Jealous Therapist Syndrome

“Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.” ~~Gordon R. Dickson~~

During an Accountability Group meeting yesterday we discussed what one of my partners called the “jealous therapist syndrome”. I Googled it… I think she may have coined the phrase. Basically the point is that it’s often easier to help someone else than it is to help yourself. We have clarity of thought when we look in from the outside. We can give great advice to others, but we don’t always follow our own. We can see what can work for someone else's situation, but have trouble plotting out our own path. A colleague of mine, Ed Han, even posted about it in his blog a few weeks ago as it relates to resumes, and how hard it is to write your own, while being so easy to give opinions on others. In his post, Ed challenges us to “Imagine what more any of us could learn if we had more input from people whose views we trust?” I like the idea! It’s why there are mastermind groups, power lunches with like-minded people, job clubs, and a whole host of other networking opportunities where we can share information and get input from people we trust and respect. Research has shown that job seekers who are members of job clubs land new roles more quickly than those who do not participate in such networking events. Another colleague of mine, Donna Svei, aka Avid Careerist, a resume writer who also writes a great blog for job seekers, strongly encourages job seekers to “show up” and “get yourself out with people” in her post HERE. So – what are you waiting for? Get out there, ask for ideas and input. Seek assistance… but beware the naysayers and the doom and gloomers. Not all advice is good.

Attitude: Your Public Face

“Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on.”

~~Billy Joel, “The Stranger”~~

Have you thought about who you are in public? Are you different at home with your family than you are “in business”? Have you considered your online persona? Are you the same? As I talk to more people about the importance of an online presence in today’s marketplace I encounter many who don’t understand who they “should be” online. A few tips: 1. Be yourself. 2. Listen first to what’s going on around you, and then engage in conversation. 3. Add value and insight. And 4, which is the most important advice I can offer, stay positive. No.Matter.What.

It is becoming more and more apparent as online social networking tools increase in popularity that too many people still don’t understand the impact of negativity in public. Say whatever you want to at home behind closed doors, but when you’re out there, whether in person or behind a computer screen, please, I beg you, stay positive. Airing dirty laundry, complaining about your job (or lack of one), dissing the guy you just interviewed with in front of MILLIONS of people online, or otherwise being negative and whiny is just not going to help you. Not in any way.

If you really can’t think of a way to spin it so it’s positive, if you simply cannot find that silver lining, just stay off the computer. You’ll be glad later that you made that choice.

Focus: A Productivity Experiment

“When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” ~~Zen Proverb~~

Have you ever read “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield? There is one part that still stands out in my mind, and I haven’t actually read the book in years! Several of the characters are having a conversation, and each turns and completely focuses all of his or her attention and energy on the person speaking. The person speaking, therefore, feels empowered and engaged, and beyond that, experiences clarity of thought and his or her own sense of enchantment. I know people who do this regularly; people who listen to you so intently and seem so truly interested that you feel like the only person in the room.

Have you ever noticed how good you feel when you’re speaking with someone face-to-face and they are focusing all of their attention on you? Have you ever felt the surge of energy when they are not only looking at you while you’re speaking, but they’re intently listening and actively participating (non-verbally) in all you have to say? It’s an incredible feeling, isn’t it? Have you done the same for them in return; basically giving over your energy for the moment?

What if you can turn that focused energy and empowerment into action? What if you *truly* focused on what you were doing at this moment? What if you poured your energy over the tasks at hand? How much more could you get done? How much more fulfilling could it be? The importance of being “present” is something many discuss when it comes to conversation… I’m wondering how much it can impact my productivity. Here’s my experiment: Today I will focus on one thing at a time. Today I will pour all the energy I would direct to a live person standing in front of me to every task I start. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow…

Goals: Something to think about...

“Pooh went into a corner and tried saying 'Aha!' in that sort of voice. Sometimes it seemed to him that it did mean what Rabbit said, and sometimes it seemed to him that it didn't. "I suppose it's just practice," he thought. "I wonder if Kanga will have to practice too so as to understand it." A.A. Milne - The House at Pooh Corner

While reading this Bedtime Story to my son last night, this passage really got me thinking… It’s about Rabbit’s elaborate plan to “steal” Baby Roo from Kanga. In Rabbit’s plan the exclamation “Aha!” is supposed to mean a whole lot more than “Aha!” And, Pooh, even though described as a “Bear of Very Little Brain”, wonders while he’s practicing his “Ahas”, If Kanga will also need to practice.

So, I wonder… when you have a goal in mind, do you communicate it to others in such a way that it becomes possible? Interestingly, I had this very conversation with my Dad yesterday, which is likely why this passage struck me so… Communication is key to just about everything from a healthy relationship to a happy workplace, and communicating clearly and effectively is a skill. Listening (and understanding) is also a skill, so it stands to reason that both sides need practice as relationships are cultivated.

Are you a good communicator? Are you able to articulate what you want, and what your value is to others in a clear and concise manner? Do you make your goals known such that others can help you achieve them, or at least help you to stay on track? Or, do you have (unrealistic) expectations that people will just know what you mean and therefore assume things will go your way? Just something else to think about…

Attitude

“Attitudes are nothing more than habits of thoughts, and habits can be acquired. An action repeated becomes an attitude realized.” ~~Paul Myer~~

I observed a phenomenal training session* yesterday where participants were asked to examine not only how they speak, but also how they listen to information. There was a fascinating exercise where after learning about two basic patterns of reasoning the participants needed to identify not only which pattern they thought they responded best to, but which pattern they thought their team members would respond best to. As an observer, (and the HR Consultant for the organization receiving the training) I noticed a very real phenomenon. Each person’s attitude towards another team member significantly affected how they assumed that person wanted to hear/receive information. This may seem obvious, but think about the implications… If you dislike someone, or if you think they’re a pessimist, or a bully… this significantly sways how you deliver information to them, and could very well create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You could in effect be hurting yourself, or preventing yourself from getting what you need from the person with whom you are communicating…

What if, on the contrary, you went into every conversation, every interaction, with a positive attitude? How much more effective do you think you could be?


*A very heartfelt “thank you” to Tori Aiello and The Speech Improvement Company, Inc. for their generosity, time and commitment to excellence.